Since I’m generally surrounded by men at both work and home, I’ve been contemplating a post like this lately, and a recent thread in the MTBR Singlespeed forum sparked me to actually do it- Since I’ve got a captive audience of guys who read here, I thought I’d write a little advice here about taking care of your woman (of course, I know there are plenty of ladies that read here, too. You’re all welcome/encouraged to chime in on the comments section).

Ask or show a guy how to take care of his bike, and he’s golden. Ask a guy how to keep his woman happy, and he’ll usually reply with some sort of confused analogy like this:

 

Yes, you are at least half correct. Men are simple and vile creatures (note the multiple definitions for “simple”). This alone is proof that homosexuality is not a conscious choice, otherwise we’d live in a world where most women were lesbians.

Spoiler alert- men, we really aren’t that complicated.

What women are really looking for is your attention. Any form of it. This is including, but not limited to: compliments, back rubs, expressions of your feelings on days other than feb 14th, your thanks/appreciation…

All of those are important, but that last one is a biggie. A lack of this is where so many problems can start- your woman does a small task to help you, and that goes seemingly unnoticed (either you didn’t notice or you did and thought, “well, that’s no big deal, I have no reason to make mention of it”). She won’t stop doing it. In an attempt to get your attention, she might even do it more. However, each time her help goes unnoticed, she makes a mental note. She will probably drop hints that your lack of notice is bothering her. Then, one day, you have an argument over how you always leave the toilet seat up, and she slaps you in the face with, “you don’t appreciate anything I do for you.”  You’re blindsided and confused.

Women are wired to take care of other warm-blooded beings- It’s that whole “mother instinct” thing. Remember- the same instinct that stimulates our desire to cook you dinner and do your laundry is the same instinct that will make a momma bear rip your arms off for looking at her cubs the wrong way. So, when we express our desire to take care of you, you’d best take notice.  Estrogen is a helluva drug.

We aren’t shallow (well, most of us, anyway). I’m not saying you have to shower us with gifts and cowtow to us in appreciation. A simple “thanks” and pat on the butt to show that you are pleased that you have clean underwear is plenty. Compliment us on something. Anything. Make it a goal to give your woman one honest compliment a day and see what happens.

So, no, we aren’t a single switch operation like you are. However, I just gave you the short & easy of what switches you need to flip to keep the machine from malfunctioning and causing a meltdown.

 

 

 

The next installment in my series of  “Life Advice that Gets Ignored by my buddy Matt” is a continuation of several of my previous posts. Remember when I told you to be true to yourself ? The advice of today is to be true to those closest to you as well.

I touched on this very briefly when I previously explained how “flipping your sh*t” can be an artform. While it gets the point across that you aren’t happy with the actions of someone else, it’s usually not necessary. When you have a close relationship with someone, and an issue arises that causes some sort of conflict, it needs to be dealt with immediately with logical, straightforward conversation rather than being swept underneath the proverbial rug.

Case in point- remember in my last post about how I said that my friend was in an argument with a girl he’s very fond of over their widely varying views on religion and the fate of his soul? Apparently, the text conversation went on through Sunday. Many tears were shed on her end, and no resolution came of it. Monday morning rolls around, and BAM… she acts as if nothing ever happened. The worst part? He’s OK with this.

My advice doesn’t come from thin air. It comes from experience. So, as always, I can give you 500 examples of where I’ve eff’d this up in my own life. It took 7 years of first marriage for me to figure out that when your significant other asks, “what’s wrong?” that the correct reply is “X is wrong” and rather than “nothing.” Sure, it will start an argument. It’s conflict- it can bring painful issues to the surface for both of you. I can promise you, though, they’re much less painful there than when they’re inside your head, gnawing at the back of your eyeballs every minute of every day.
Now, I make it a habit that if Ryan does anything that upsets me, bothers me, or might potentially upset/bother me, I tell him. Immediately. It’s been my experience that an immediate, small argument in which you reach a resolution will prevent the pattern of buildup/unhappiness that occurs when the conflict in question turns into an 800 pound gorilla napping peacefully on the other side of the room. Sure, it’s safe for now, but WTF are you going to do when it wakes up?

I’m stating the obvious for most of my readers, but since my advice tends to fall on deaf (or at least unwilling) ears in real life, I use this blog as an outlet.  If you’re reading this and thinking about your own relationship problems, then save yourself the trip to the counselor and tell your mate exactly what it is that’s bothering you. If you aren’t in a relationship, turn your speakers up and click HERE (or HERE if you’re more Hipster than Hip Hop).

For a while now, my current go-to computing device has been a Sony VAIO laptop. It does its job well, but it’s pretty big as far as laptops go. About the same time that I started getting annoyed at having a giant laptop, our Verizon MiFi started to crap out. So, I started shopping around for netbooks. After much review-reading, mind-changing, and laptop upgrading, we ended up getting a USB modem stick from Verizon and an ASUS Eee PC netbook (the fancy one with the metal case, dual processor, and long battery life).

I am now more portable than ever…

(If you’re wondering about the size scale, the dog is a Jack Russell Terrier)

Now, all I need is a road trip.

Ryan (eternal Mac fanboy), who always has his eye on the latest and greatest steve jobs invention, made the comment that I have very simple technology needs- he can purchase a <$400 piece of equipment for me, and I’ll be happy for years (his current fiending is for a $1300 laptop). My reply is that for what I lack in techie desire I make up for in carbon fiber lust. It’s very true, though. I tend to use a computer until it’s so outdated or falling apart that I am forced to get something new. He likes regular upgrades. I hope that his computer habits never extend to his relationship habits.

In other news, all of you that have ever ridden behind me can say goodbye to this…

(not the dog)

I picked that lovely piece of tribal off of the wall of the Underground Art tattoo place back when I was 18 and had just graduated high school. It’s just not up to par with my other artwork, so I’m getting it covered up with something else. What? I don’t know. Last time I went in, Joe covered it with fleshtone ink to lighten it up a bit (which is why it looks kinda hazy in the photo).

In the past, I’ve told Joe what I want, and he’s made gorgeous drawings. This time, I really have no idea what I want, so I told him that I wanted to stick to mostly black & gray as well as what I liked in his portfolio and gave him the reins to draw something of his own creation. Of course, I have final say as to what gets marked on me forever, but I’m incredibly excited (as is he) to let him lead the creative process. He said he’ll send me photos as he sketches, but those are gonna stay secret until after Monday, when I go in for the first cover-up session.

Hopefully there will be plenty of people behind me to admire it at next weekend’s Ouachita Challenge.

Actually, it isn’t. This blog is one of the most real things you can find on the internet as far as blogs go. I tell you what I’m thinking, what upsets me, what makes me giddy, my hangups, my feelings… I could go on. Over my nearly 30 years of time on earth, this is the person I am… proudly and unapologetically so, and, if you’ve ever met me, you’ll know that I’m like this in real life. [Side Note: I’m not saying that I don’t tone myself down appropriately when the situation demands it. That’s something totally different, and I consider being a bit of a chameleon to be one of my most cunning, useful, and awesome personality traits.]

…Which brings me to the point of this post. It has little to do with bikes and everything to do with being true and honest to yourself and the rest of the world. If your life is an idealistic front that is different from how you actually feel, what you actually care about, or what you really believe, then you will never be truly happy, and it’s going to eat away at you from the inside.

What I’m saying goes far beyond bloggers on the internet. I will admit, though, that the thing that brought this post to the front of my mind was the Tumblr page of a friend of a friend. The Tumblr page makes this girl appear to be a very religious individual who has dedicated her heart and soul to Jesus. It’s not that which bothers me. It’s that in real life, she acts just like any other “Christianity-identifying, but not really practicing” person that makes up a vast part of the US population. I also have no problems with people who are not necessarily “good” at following their faith of choice… I’m not here to call you a bad person when you don’t follow your identifying faith to the letter, I’m just here to call you out on portraying yourself as something that you don’t really care about.

I call myself out far more than I ever do anyone else. In the past, I’ve tried to be Martha Stewart, a graphic designer, dog trainer, a pro road racer… just to name a few. If you’ve been reading a while, you were here for the whole “pro roadie” thing. I tried my damndest to convince myself that I was happy working towards that goal. I knew all along that I wasn’t, but I was too afraid to admit it to myself and everyone else because I’d already gone so far down that road that it seemed illogical to turn back… not to mention incredibly frightening to change what I’d identified myself as for a good bit of time. It was destroying me from the inside out, and I knew that I didn’t have the dedication it took to put in the time and effort to train hard enough to be as fast as I needed to be.

Lucky for me and all of you that are reading, I did the massively terrifying thing and took off through the bushes on the side of the road in search of another route. That’s what it boils down to. If you are not living the life of the person that YOU want to be and working towards the goals that will satisfy you and not everyone else, then you will never be able to fully dedicate yourself because you’re trying to dedicate your life to a lie.

I’ve figured this out very recently for myself. I can say, without a doubt, that I want to be one of the best endurance racers in existence. I know this because, in the last two races as well as in the training going into those races, I’ve pushed myself in ways that are only possible if the level of dedication is just that high. I couldn’t do it before because I didn’t want it bad enough.

I think that, in general, people decide what they want to appear to be based on the standards of their peers. Anything else would be scary because it may result in exclusion and/or ridicule from the group. I’m here to tell you that yes. It is scary. If all of your friends want you to be a bike racer, but you don’t really care enough to dedicate large portions of your time and money into doing so, then don’t. If society says you should be a pure, sweet Christian girl who prefers mission trips to missionary, but you really just want to let your hair down and be wild, then cancel your appointment for that malaria booster, go buy a pack of condoms, and head to the social gathering spot where alcoholic beverages are served. If your friends all listen to Slayer, and you have a secret shrine to Justin Bieber in your closet, then tell them to STFU and deal with it next time they’re in your car and Bieber fever attacks your radio.

What’s the worst that could happen? You disappoint your peers? People talk about you? People spread rumors? People don’t want to be your friend anymore because you no longer abide by their standards of what you should be? Who cares? You are living life exactly how you and no one else wants you to live life. Anyone who hates you for doing so should probably spend that energy reflecting upon themselves instead.